CSR Newsletter

Hello Case Med,

Another week means another letter that most of you aren't reading. But this one is important I promise. If you delete it, then you'll be the last one to know that the 4th floor lounge will be closed for the rest of the school year. The administration has decided that we've been spending too much money on pizza for intrest group events so they've decided to install our own pizzeria to cut down costs in the long run. Our CSR Bookie, Camille Huwyler, has reported that we've spent over $17,340 on pizza alone this year. She also stated that "...the cost of the Case Med Pizzeria will be around $1,240,576 which sounds like a lot, but compared to the projected expendatures on pizza from now to 2020, we stand to save about $50. So it's only common sense to push forward with the project..."

The new High-Fructose Corn Syrup Intrest Group is looking for new members! They are currently seeking strong, compassionate and highly corn-orientend individuals to fulfill their vacant seats. The mission of HFCSIG is to "Increase the awareness of the deliciousness and much greater satifaction of drinking regular Coke over Diet." Greg Gaumer, M1, and sole memeber of the group explains their cause. "No one is looking at the QUALYs. We're hoping to pass legislation to make QUALYs a requirement on all nutrition facts labeling. So when people compare real pop to diet, they'll make the smarter choice."

Congratulations to Will West, M1, who will be saying goodbye to the bachelor life on May 18th. "Everyone is invited to the wedding," Will totally said really late last night. "I decided to bring the date closer, just before exams so it's super convenient for everyone. We'll all still be in Cleveland so no one will have to buy plane tickets to Utah. Plus the reception will be right in the BRB. The sushi there is the best."

Finally, I've written an executive order declaring today to be BACON DAY. Join in the celebration by consuming at least 20% of you daily calories, protien and fat from bacon.